good steam

good steam.

I'm feeling good again. <3.

:P.

I feel pooped.

ya, pretty pooped.

I dunno why working has gotten me so pooped out.

I suppose it poops out everybody.

but I'm gonna have to work harder in the near future also. cause Kathy's gonna be out.

so, I have to talk to Kathy more on the job, and also be more rules-oriented on the job, like more... umm, bossy, almost.

:P

so, I'm not really sure what D+D character to play as either. I want one that I can RP in combat with. so I want someone who can get up and Melee, I like Barbarians a lot. <3

:P.

:).

LATER.

-Jonathan.

sad, like fer sher :P

ok, well, so my boss might not like me. apparently I've been getting on her nerves, not asking her about situations when I should have been asking her permission for stuff.

there was what I thought was an emergency situation where I thought someone had eaten laundry soap.

I mean, apparently, afterwards, I found out that they hadn't, but at the moment, instead of asking my boss what to do or telling her about the situation, I decided to try and find the number for poison control. I didn't find it or anything, but I would have called it had I found it.

anyways, so there was no issue with soap, but my boss got pissed at me for not asking her about this thing. I guess I thought that I didn't need to ask her about that sorta thing. I mean, I didn't think that the person may have imagined the whole thing about ingesting soap, which was the case.

I think its stupid to have to think that when someone tells you they might have eaten laundry soap to not treat it as a possible emergency.

I mean, I understand talking to staff about it. that makes sense, but my reaction was to call poison control. poison control is not the police, they don't send like an ambulance or anything, they give you a recommendation on what to do. I was going to tell my boss about it after I'd called them.

I dunno. Kathy keeps saying how open she is, but it hurts me when she doesn't tell me that shits wrong.

I dunno, I'm just upset.

<3,

Jonathan.

a bisexual buys me lunch...

ya.

crazy. I went over to a friend's house, and rumor has it that he's a bisexual or gay or something.

I wasn't really thinking about it when he said he'd buy me goddamn lunch at chili's.

how gay is that?

:P.

anyways, so ya, I felt a little violated. probably cause I felt uncomfortable with the idea of him comming on to me.

ya, it felt weird. :P

what the heckles.

jeeze.

:P.

friends come over unexpectedly

ya, it was pretty cool today.

Briezy and like Caryl showed up at my house after I got groceries. :)

I was just comming home, and I found them outside the door of my apartamento. :P

(that's spanish for my little casa on the secundo piso)

Caryl is obviously a very nice girl, and I think she'll be a wonderful influence on Briezy. :P

shit, I just had lunch, and like.... shit. I just got invited out to lunch. :P

time for a light snack. :)

anyways, I'm moving into another apartment on the ummm 16th of November. I'm not moving in with Katie yet, she hasn't gotten her situation straightened out yet. :)

When Briezy came over, it opened up my heart to all the vounerabilities that I forgot I felt. :)

it was a little wierd. :)

I feel like something has died in my house. Like a mouse or something.

it smells like rotten death close to my computer, and I don't like it. :P

anyways, I hope they didn't smell it when they came over. :)

hmmm. I'm glad Briezy's so happy or, at least she seems happy. :)

I haven't been on twitter too much, cause it requires so much upkeep and interest, both of which I do not have for twitter.

I miss journaling.

I've been playing a lot more WoW, and even some with my bro!!

I'm almost to the game-level where we can play together. it will be so fun when we can sit down and (he in texas and me in NY) play a game of WoW, killing people together. :)

all is well, or ok.

oh, and today, this lady who is married asked me why I was so awkward, and its because I was attracted to her, but she's a staff at Unity House, so I couldn't just tell her the way I felt, and also that she's married.

ha.

:P

:).

LATER ALL.

GG.

green river

feeling strangely fulfilled.

:)

blue tea

ya, so I'm feeling a bit lonely myself, I had Katie to hang out with today, but I really just need to vent about... well, more like decompress.

I've been with Briezy a while, and I really loved making her happy, but it was good last night that we told each other that we do make better friends.

we both said that we'd sorta not communicate for a week or thereabouts. :)

that I think gives us both time to sort ourselves out so that we can be friends without any messy stuff about it. :)

ya, well... so I feel sorta strange.

sorta like my brain is up in my head, not in my heart.

I don't like that feeling much at all.

my clock was bad today, cause the power shut off for a sec.

so I thought it was 10:00 when it was really about 3:4o or so.

ya, pretty good.

I miss Briezy, but I know that we both need space, and I really want to have her as a friend, so it would be too much to see her right now.

I think I might have seen her walking home though.

I got the reality face on, which was a sad-face at the time.

cause I realized that I couldn't just go up to her to say Hi.

cause we have a week where we sorta can't.

:P

anyways, ya. I'm gonna keep myself a little distracted, but I hope she's ok.

<3,

Jonathan.

to a girl.

hey, I like you.

there's just something about you. it makes me happy :)

anyways, I'm glad that you're resilient.

I'm happy that you're so independent.

I'm glad that you like me.

You never need help, and sometimes I feel like my having my arms out to catch you is a big waste of energy. :)

I'm just so used to people falling on me. people who like to use.

thanks for not being that way.

I know how much life you've got. well, not really, but I know its a lot.

a lot more than I could handle. :)

Its a bit dizzying at times, but ya know, I guess that's what makes me worry about you, and I always find that there's no reason. :)

that you've always got you're game on.

I like you.

I'm glad you let me get the PB+J ice cream :)

thanks for letting me be me.

Falstaff's Cleric story.

After nearly 200 years of existence, one major mystery still eluded Falstaff. The power of faith was to him the greatest mystery life had left.

Taking up clerichood in the service of the god Corellon, Falstaff devised a plan to study religion and faith itself, and thereby glean the answers to its mysteries.

When betrayed and nearly killed by plant beings in a transdimensional pyramid, Falstaff renounced the mantle of Cleric. Falstaff had sought knowledge through the things which betrayed him, and his trust in Corellon was shaken.

His faith ebbed from him, and not long after, the group came upon an angel. This being defended what she held sacred, and for that, the party slaughtered it, Falstaff helping to pin it into melee, assuring its death.

After facing a demi-god, nearly dying from asphyxiation in ice, being teleported to another world and realizing that all he had known now lay on its head, Falstaff's dreams became troubled.

The angel's face came to him whenever he spared his consciousness for a moment, and it would ask: "But why"?

Falstaff turned the question over and over again in his head. he could not fathom the answer to a question so broad; his nightmares continued.

The worst of the nights came and as Falstaff awoke to see the sun rising on this alien world, the answer came to him. Falstaff waited again and again for the dreams to return, to tell the angel what he had learned... but the dreams never came.

A great joy overcame the wizard once again. his answer sat within him and his step took on a new energy. In a way, Falstaff wished to thank the angel, and realized that in a way, faith is inside all of us if we are just willing to explore it. He re-pledged himself to his diety no longer as a search for knowledge.

Falstaff began now on the search for power of not only the mind, but of the heart.

pink tiger

yo yo.

umm, geeze. wow. I never really realized how beautiful or even difficult relationships can be.

this girl I'm with, I <3 her so much. :P

its crazy. it makes my heart so open, and then she leaves which is so wonderful, cause I know she's learning and enjoying herself so much. :P

but sometimes it makes me want to cry. :P

:)

I can afford Chemotherapy, like I can afford a Limousine, etc. etc.

I feel like I'm in a rubber band, you know with all sorts of silly instruments, like Kazoos.

not really.

well, sorta.

anyways, the rubber band is because I like her so much, and yet I feel sort of like there's so much activity that I can't really slow down to be with her. :)

she's wonderful though. I ain't gonna lie. she's really really great.

from what I can tell, she's really connected to the world where she lives, which is so perfect(not the world, but the connection). she loves anything and everybody, which is also great.

it does stress my heart sometimes to think of her loving another man, but I suspect its a different sort of love. :)

I read her note this morning, since I haven't had time to, and it explained so much to me.

I hope she knows that I try so hard to understand what "I should be doing" to help :)

because I love to help. :)

the problem with that is that she doesn't need any help. :P

its ok and all, its just so different for me. :)

Its like she's ... beautiful.

perhaps a poem can encapsulate this feeling.

"I haven't lost what I first gained,
In fact, I feel an awkward pain.

It is not a nervous injury
(it's blood pumping where I can't see).

I wish that I could turn it off,
Laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh.

But

There are things I've never seen
in beds where heads have been unclean,

where we both laughed, and shared a thought;
some music sought and then forgot.

Some beauty I've never really seen yet.
Smoking flavored cigarettes.

Halfway between
sexiness and understanding.

Some beautiful fruit
A ripening thing I'd never lose.

But I get to think
about the way she is.

Soaping dishes in the sink.

A funny pull,
a little pill,
no pie
shy
though I shine I tear,
I break and bear.

thinking of her eyes in bed,
that time she looked me in the head

I knew I saw her
knew I saw her.

and she was happy with me.
she was happy with me."

red in the hips

so, this girl is really fantastic.

last night, I got to look at her for about 10 minutes. it was one of the most special events in my life. you see, when we were looking at each other, she showed me this little window into her happiness, and into her soul.

it was just a glimmer, but it makes me so happy, like... I don't remember ever feeling this way before about something.

it was like... looking at a crescent of the moon, and still somehow knowing that the whole moon was there. that inside of her is this beautiful heart, this thing that is so perfect and if its let out, how happy she would be!

anyways, I gotta eat breakfast and go ta work. :) <3,

Jonathan.

blue hyena

yo yo. :P. this is crazy. my girlfriend got into a play as the lead female role, and the lead male role is this guy that I was afraid she liked.

:)

crazy, eh? :P.

I mean, it just is totally weird. :) She's a very outgoing person, and since I'm not used to all of the attention she gives to others, it makes me afraid that she doesn't like me. :)

that and the fact that she has really good on stage chemistry with this guy makes me really nervous. :P.

it all seems so darn weird. :) I mean, its good. Its totally strange, since I feel so good about it all. I would so rather have this relationship than nothing. All the challenges it provides me and the ways I have to maneuver myself to remain in a healthy state. It makes me so happy. :)

sure there are a lot of challenges to our relationship, but its almost as if we become tempered by it, like we learn not just me learning, but she learns, and we learn not just to be better with ourselves, but with everyone in the world. :)

anyways, its been great talking to you. <3. :P. -Jonathan.

Blue Lips

I am worried about my memory, how I simply pass by life very loosely. Its pretty strange, though I am 'happy' I am worried. :P

I lack the ability to really stick to anything. that's why I'm trying to learn the Mandolin.

the Mandolin is really fun. I have a Girlfriend also, and perhaps that focuses my worries about myself. :P

I thought about writing a book also.

I think it would be pretty good and all, but I'm really not sure. I usually draw comics, so I hope the book will be short. Sort of a "Foundation" length. :)

anyways, that's it. :)