pink tiger

yo yo.

umm, geeze. wow. I never really realized how beautiful or even difficult relationships can be.

this girl I'm with, I <3 her so much. :P

its crazy. it makes my heart so open, and then she leaves which is so wonderful, cause I know she's learning and enjoying herself so much. :P

but sometimes it makes me want to cry. :P

:)

I can afford Chemotherapy, like I can afford a Limousine, etc. etc.

I feel like I'm in a rubber band, you know with all sorts of silly instruments, like Kazoos.

not really.

well, sorta.

anyways, the rubber band is because I like her so much, and yet I feel sort of like there's so much activity that I can't really slow down to be with her. :)

she's wonderful though. I ain't gonna lie. she's really really great.

from what I can tell, she's really connected to the world where she lives, which is so perfect(not the world, but the connection). she loves anything and everybody, which is also great.

it does stress my heart sometimes to think of her loving another man, but I suspect its a different sort of love. :)

I read her note this morning, since I haven't had time to, and it explained so much to me.

I hope she knows that I try so hard to understand what "I should be doing" to help :)

because I love to help. :)

the problem with that is that she doesn't need any help. :P

its ok and all, its just so different for me. :)

Its like she's ... beautiful.

perhaps a poem can encapsulate this feeling.

"I haven't lost what I first gained,
In fact, I feel an awkward pain.

It is not a nervous injury
(it's blood pumping where I can't see).

I wish that I could turn it off,
Laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh.

But

There are things I've never seen
in beds where heads have been unclean,

where we both laughed, and shared a thought;
some music sought and then forgot.

Some beauty I've never really seen yet.
Smoking flavored cigarettes.

Halfway between
sexiness and understanding.

Some beautiful fruit
A ripening thing I'd never lose.

But I get to think
about the way she is.

Soaping dishes in the sink.

A funny pull,
a little pill,
no pie
shy
though I shine I tear,
I break and bear.

thinking of her eyes in bed,
that time she looked me in the head

I knew I saw her
knew I saw her.

and she was happy with me.
she was happy with me."